Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
