just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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