so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
