that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
