Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
