I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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