Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
