Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
