My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
