she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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