So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Farmville is her only friend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
