Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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