I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
