I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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