I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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