There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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