twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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