alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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