Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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