i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
