I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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