If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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