They should really pass out barf bags in church
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
