I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
