He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
