More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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