I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
