i would punch a child for taco bell
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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