in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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