If i come over, it means nothing
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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