You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
