I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
