My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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