Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
