george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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