Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
