As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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