The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
