Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
