Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
