the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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