I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
