I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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