As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize