I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
