u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
