i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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