Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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