I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
