I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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