How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
