Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
