I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
smell my finger.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
