Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
