Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
