It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
