yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
