Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
