We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
