I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
