R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
