Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't deserve a penis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
