its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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