Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
