Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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