I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
