Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
