I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am available for nakedness
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
