Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
