You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
