She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
