I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
