I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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