that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
