We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
