I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
