Whod you bang
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Everyone says I win the strip club
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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