just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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